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Secret Keeper

“It’s so hard to slaughter without killing the babies.”

Chief Secret Keeper [DATA NOT FOUND] has been a member of this organization since its founding day. Though late to the party, and not an original witness of the Great Sign of the Clouds, he[?] is nonetheless revered by junior members of the Society. Before being assigned the role of Secret Keeper, [][]a[] was an essential part of watching as his fellow founders investigated the Will of the Clouds and the rise of the Shadow Group.

Secret Keeper [][][]n works very hard to maintain the secrecy of the SCS’s many brilliant and unique ideas. As the highest ranking member of the Department of Secrecy, the Chief Secret Keeper’s proudest achievement has been the successful implementation of the Double-false Unrestricted Publication of Explicit Misinformation campaign, in partnership with the DoOM. This program, under which countless records have been published to public internet forums and local newsletters in forty-six counties in the state of New Jersey, has successfully duped at least one Shadow Group affiliate and a member of the Mossgagurch of Arbol into accepting false ideas as genuine SCS secrets. The information is explicitly referred to as false: a cunning use of reverse psychology, guaranteed to succeed by the gullibility of our enemies. Also as part of DUPEM, a number of true documents have been published to sites like Instagram, as a means of convincing Shadow Group affiliates that false information discovered elsewhere may, in fact, be reliable knowledge. These posts are also riddled with misinformation and security measures to ensure that the knowledge is neither entirely trustworthy nor too easily accessed. The Chief Secret Keeper is very proud of this program, which he asserts, “is not, by any means, ridiculously overcomplicated. Get out of my office. How did you even find me here?”

Though very reclusive, when he leaves the chambers of the Department of Secrecy, he can often be seen talking in whispers with Chief of Security [REDACTED], discussing the latest threats facing the Society, and trading vague but doubtless meaningful hand gestures and eye contact. (Anyone who witnesses these conversations is asked to cooperate with SSC personnel, and to answer any and all questions about what they have seen to the best of their ability. Your life may depend upon it.) Contact between the Chief Secret Keeper and other members of the Society is achieved through various robed-and-hooded proxies. His most trusted proxies are [Z]yan, [N]yan, R[r]an, [Y]n[a]r, and Charlene.

From a young age, [][][][] has held secrecy in the highest regard, nearly as high as the clouds. It is impossible to say exactly how young or how high, as these are closely guarded secrets, like most facts about the Department of Secrecy and its members. The following information, however, has been cleared for release by the Secret Keeper’s aide, [Z]yan: The Chief Secret Keeper’s favorite color is somewhere in the ultraviolet range. The Chief Secret Keeper’s Wednesday Journal’s contents are not publicly available, but the third word on the four hundred ninety-eighth page is “the,” and it was horribly smudged by a particularly emotional tear. The Chief Secret Keeper’s first pet was a turtle, because “they are wise, but they do not share their wisdoms. The clouds trust them.” The Chief Secret Keeper enjoys hiking in foggy mountainous terrain and reclining on freshly fallen snow in the dead of night. The Chief Secret Keeper’s lucky number is privileged information, but he would like you to believe that the number is 2. Requests for greater transparency regarding the Secret Keeper’s personal history are being considered, and further requests may be submitted to the Department of Secrecy’s new Secret Human Resources, Enlightenment, and Departmental Revelations ask box.

Tazz Berkshireson XXVII

"It’s hard to kill people when you're on drugs."

Tazz was born on Cloud Street, Bloomington, IL after the president's Super Cool (something with an s) motorcade hit a trash can shaped as a child and promptly exploded. When the Secret Crash Search Team looked through the wreckage they found a child that sort of looked like a trash can that was hit by five SUVs back to back on the ground and decided to keep him. The date was November 19th, 1867. Nobody could have know how much this find would change their lives. During a walk through the exotic forests of Illinois, Tazz and a fellow associate decided to look at up for the first time together. This moment is known as The Great Angling of the Holy Heads. After these moments the Secret Cloud Society was formed. As the head of the Secret Security Council, Tazz monitors every person that is considered a threat the the well being of clouds, the SCS, and the SCS’s interests. The punishments administered by the SSC range from a slap on the big toe to death. Some high status people that Tazz Berkshireson has called to be taken out are Amelia Earhart- crimes against clouds, Abraham Lincoln- cool hat, and Paul Walker- too fast, too furious and attempting to join the Shadow Group.

Scotty Boy McBoi
Head of SEA and R&D

“Head-butt me.”

Never before has a mind as striking as this scraped the heaven’s clouds. Head of R&D and the SEA (Society Evolution Assurance) administration, Scotty Boy, has been with the SCS for a year now.

In that time he has worked on many different projects taking the wheel of innovation after the passing of Steve, our founder. The first of his works to see wide adoption was project “Shadow.” Seeing that the SSC agents were weakening in their abilities to defend the society, Scotty spearheaded a team that organized a controllable group of civilian “Shadow Group” members. These rebels of sorts were the polar opposite of what the SCS stood for, giving the SSC something to defend against. With little warning, the “Shadow Group” grew out of control and made a Twitter account broadcasting their mad ramblings against the SCS. Within a matter of days the rebel horde had amassed 10 Twitter followers, when the SCS had no Twitter account to be heard of.

Shaken, but not stirred, Scotty Boy began his next project and field of research: social media. During a closed press conference discussing 3 months of research, Scotty Boy was quoted by the SCS Times as saying, “When we post to Instagram people just look at the big picture, like, and move on. Twitter allows us to post plain, boring text where people want to read it.” With a record budget of three hundred dollars, the SCS social media campaign was underway.

Employee of Da Month
Head of Employee Department

“Death to all.”

When Employee O Da’ Month was first born, he immediately seemed strange to his parents. Instead of crying, he rather sputtered, not wanting to shame himself in front of the strangers in blue as, of course, this would be socially unacceptable. Although his parents were immortal, Employee O Da’ Month did not seem to have the same powers, but rather a dumbed down bit of his heritage. He seemed to age much slower than his fellow classmates, yet was much more knowledgeable, thinking ahead to future disasters. His parents ignored him when he spoke of the election of 2016, but he knew of what was to come. After witnessing many disasters occur through the many years, he had finally become tired of watching it occur in front of him like a movie. He wanted to do something about it. Knowing that each disaster was linked to darkness, he set out, bound to destroy these monsters with the knowledge he had.

He sought out nature, to find how it had kept its peace for all of eternity. After many years of research, he had found the solution. The clouds. They were the key to everything, overlooking all of what the Earth was and was to be. They protected the secrets and had a common goal to that of Employee O Da’ Month. Knowing that he could not do it alone, Employee O Da’ Month sought his brotheren and sisteren to join hands and form the greatness that still lives today: The Secret Cloud Society. Employee O Da’ Month predicted what would happen if a practically immortal kept the throne, and saw the disaster that would follow, so he passed the key down to that of Secret Ke%*^# [) @# {}n and Chief [REDACTED] of the SSC , who helped Employee O Da’ Month found the SCS.

Employee O Da’ Month now heads a lesser department to avoid conflict with his quasi-immortality, yet still plays a big role regarding the ongoings of the great protector. To this day, he still lives amongst men, taking the appearance of a [][] year-old. He enjoys playing Minecraft to express his knowledge and creativity, as well as soccer to keep his old-ish body fit. The trumpet keeps his musical talent alive, although he has mastered many instruments in his long life. Many do not know of the greatness he started, which is just the way he likes it. He feels as though he should not receive credit for something that nature has done for many years, as that would be unfair to the clouds.